[Scene: The Shark Tank studio. The Sharks—Aaron Beck, Lisa Feldman Barrett, and Steven Hayes—sit behind the table, sipping their espressos. Enter James Clerk Maxwell, dressed in a Victorian suit, holding a diagram of a psychological engine labeled “Maxwell’s Angel.”]
Maxwell’s Opening Pitch
Maxwell: Good evening, esteemed Sharks! I’m James Clerk Maxwell, physicist and visionary. You may know me as the guy who gave thermodynamics its coolest thought experiment: Maxwell’s Demon. But today, I’m here with something revolutionary for the mind—Maxwell’s Angel, a psychological engine that transforms anxiety into focus, productivity, and even flow. Sharks, I’m asking for £10,000 for a 10% share in humanity’s mental well-being.
Lisa Feldman Barrett: The Constructivist Critic
Lisa: (raising an eyebrow) Fascinating, Maxwell. But… an Angel? You’re pitching a Victorian metaphor for emotional regulation? Anxiety isn’t just some energy to “convert.” It’s constructed from context and the body’s signals. Your “engine” sounds reductive.
Maxwell: (smiling confidently) Ah, Dr. Barrett, but isn’t anxiety precisely that—a constructed signal with energy? My Angel works within your framework. It sorts and channels this chaotic energy into ordered pathways. Instead of panic, you get productivity. Imagine: Anxiety-powered focus, without the exhaustion!
Lisa: Hmm, intriguing. So, this Angel acts like the conductor of a mental orchestra, harmonizing the chaos? All right, I’ll bite… cautiously.
Aaron Beck: The Cognitive Mechanic
Aaron: (leaning forward) Maxwell, I built my career on schemas, and I see what you’re doing here. Your Angel is a coping schema—a tool to reframe anxiety into something actionable. But let me ask: How does it handle maladaptive schemas that block anxiety conversion? For example, catastrophizing or avoidance?
Maxwell: Excellent question, Dr. Beck. My Angel doesn’t just sort the energy; it reprograms the mental valves—those faulty schemas—by introducing a reframing mechanism. Think of it as a CBT-driven piston that redirects the flow from “Oh no, I’ll fail!” to “This pressure means I care.”
Aaron: (nodding slowly) I see the potential. It’s like cognitive behavioral hydraulics. I like it… but I’ll need more specifics on how this reprogramming works.
Steven Hayes: The Existential Investor
Steven: (smirking) All right, Maxwell. Let’s cut to the chase. How does this Angel work with values? ACT isn’t just about managing anxiety—it’s about directing energy toward meaningful action. Can your Angel handle existential heat? Or does it overheat in the presence of life’s big questions?
Maxwell: (grinning) Oh, Dr. Hayes, the Angel thrives on existential heat! It doesn’t shy away from the “why.” In fact, it uses values as the engine’s fuel injectors, channeling anxiety into purpose. When anxiety meets values, the Angel produces not just work, but meaningful work.
Steven: (leaning back, impressed) Huh. So it’s like a stress-transmutation device with a values-driven engine? You might actually be onto something.
The Sharks’ Decision
Aaron: Maxwell, I like the Angel’s foundation in cognitive schemas, and the potential for reprogramming maladaptive thought patterns. I’ll offer you £10,000 for 20%, but I’ll need some say in how it’s implemented.
Lisa: (cutting in) Aaron, hold up. Maxwell, your Angel intrigues me because it aligns with emotion construction theory. I’ll offer £12,000 for 25%, but I want it framed as a dynamic system, not just a machine.
Steven: (leaning forward) Let’s not get bogged down in theory. Maxwell, I’ll give you the full £10,000 for 10%, but only if you emphasize the values-driven design and make anxiety a partner, not an adversary.
Maxwell: (pausing, looking thoughtful) Sharks, I appreciate your offers. But Dr. Hayes, your focus on values aligns best with my vision for humanity’s mental well-being. We have a deal!
Closing Commentary
Lisa: (to Aaron, after Maxwell leaves) You know, we might regret letting him go. Anxiety-powered focus could be the next mindfulness craze.
Aaron: (shrugging) Maybe, but I still think he’s overestimating the public’s ability to sort their own chaos. We’ll see.
Steven: (smiling) Don’t underestimate people, Aaron. They’ve got more angels than demons in their heads… if they know how to use them.
[Cue applause and dramatic music.]
And thus, Maxwell’s Angel took its place in the Shark Tank Hall of Fame as a metaphorical masterpiece for schematizing anxiety.
iHack, therefore iBlog 
Leave a comment